If we’re all just being honest, productivity just doesn’t look the same in the before and after of motherhood. But often you’re not told that as a new mama, you’re just told “productivity hacks for moms” and that you’ll “feel like your old self” eventually and to “sleep when the baby sleeps” (but also try working during nap time).
But here’s the problem: sometimes this can sound like you need to keep doing the same things as you did before you were a mother. And in my experience, it just doesn’t work that way.
This is something I truly wish I had understood before becoming a mom so that the PRESSURE I felt to “get things done” the way I was previously could have been alleviated.
So whether you’re a new mom, an expecting mom, or a mom of a few kiddos, today I want to casually chat about what productivity might mean in this season of your life as a mom to little kids who also has a business and wears a lot of hats! Let’s go.
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As I’m recording this episode, my new baby boy Ethan is 3 months old. And my son Colin is a few months away from turning 3. So that’s the season of life I’m in. Going back to that newborn stage reminded me of so much that I felt in the newborn stage with Colin (and even beyond the newborn phase). The adjustment is huge.
I created a post on Instagram a few weeks ago about this, and it really resonated with you guys so I want to talk through it some more today!
Before I dive into 5 specific things I want to talk about, I want to add that my oldest is almost 3, so that’s as far as my parenting journey goes right now. Some of this might make less sense if you’re a parent to older kiddos! But I’m speaking as someone who very much gets the newborn phase and toddler phase right now.
1. If no one has told you yet, productivity looks different when you’re a mom to little kids.
I’ve had my business both ways - as a mom and not. And, it’s not to say that I was MORE productive always before having kids, but productivity looked different. It was easier to be productive because there was less on my plate. My time was mostly my own.
Productivity was more about my willpower to focus and less about other obligations.
Before being a mom, generally, your schedule was your own, and distractions that came up were often you're doing/in your control more, and now you’re working around the schedules of little people who need you!
Here are just a few examples:
- Childcare quitting on you last minute
- Kids home from school sick
- Working during nap time and then the nap is only 30 minutes
- Planning to work after bedtime only to realize you’re exhausted after the dinner, bath, bedtime hustle.
- Thinking you picked a cool independent play activity only to realize your toddler doesn’t care
- Nursing breaks all day long
- Pumping breaks all day long
- A sick baby who needs you
- A child going through separation anxiety
- Meals, constantly… feeding the baby
This list could go on and on. That’s just a small representation of the things that have changed for you. So with that, don’t expect productivity to look the same, come as easy, or for you to feel as productive!
This mental shift was huge for me because I went from beating myself up that I “can’t get anything done” to “this is normal and good and ok because my life has changed!”
And I would add - I love the way my life has changed. I don’t want to go back to that version of myself. I love my babies and my business and doing life this way.
I want to encourage you to let yourself say, “My life is different now, I like the way it’s different, and so how can I change my expectations now that it’s different?”
2. Let your business match your season of life and quit comparing yourself (or expecting to be able to do the same thing as someone else) in another season.
For example, a grown man with no children whose morning routine consists of a cold plunge, 30-minute meditation, a special breakfast cooked from scratch, and 5-mile run might not be who you need to learn “morning routine strategies from”.
That’s ok! That certainly does not mean you shouldn’t learn from that person, but take advice with a grain of salt when it doesn’t seem like it fits into what your life actually looks like. In this season of life for me with a newborn and toddler, I am a week-by-week and sometimes month-by-month girl in what I plan to do in my work and in what I expect can be done.
I also know that I will be that way for a while. I know that I will be on a more weekly planning basis while Ethan is so young and I hardly have any childcare help, and then as he gets older and has more of a schedule and things, I might become more month-to-month.
In these early days especially, our “season” also can change quickly, just like your children are changing quickly! For example:
- When you go from 4 naps a day (where you have to hold or baby wear a lot) to more like 2 crib naps, that’s a new season
- When you stop nursing or pumping, that’s a new season.
- When your baby starts sleeping longer stretches at night, that’s a new season.
And all of these seasons of motherhood directly impact your work life too… so let it impact it.
Stop the comparison game by defining your version of success
Then make sure you are not comparing yourself to other people who are in different seasons of life (especially when you don't know what's going on with them). We don't want to compare at all when we can avoid it, but also just really define for yourself what your version of success is. That can help during moments when you feel maybe “less than”.
If right now, you're in this season where you feel like you have so much “less” (like so much less work time, less me time, etc), and you're struggling with this productivity aspect and you're really tired and worn out, and then you're seeing someone that’s doing something like speaking on stages or launching this new thing, it’s easy to feel like they are more successful than you (without really knowing what’s going on with them).
I would just really challenge you to ask yourself, is that actually what you want right now though? Or is it just that you're feeling down because they have something that you perceive that you could want but maybe you don't actually want?
That's something that resonated with me a lot. You've got to know what success is for you and that will help you not compare and not see the grass is always greener with other people.
3. Give yourself time to be completely UNPRODUCTIVE!
It’s wonderful to just NOT have to be productive sometimes and to intentionally waste time. To just sit and scroll. To sit and have your coffee with no plans to get up. To not give a crap about your to-do list. To take a super long shower because you want to.
Taking time to recharge IS being productive. I don’t know how much you’ll resonate with this, but this is huge for me… especially in the newborn phase.
When I get a moment to myself (or even a few hours when someone else is with a baby or when there’s a nap happening), there can be a pressure to GO, GO GO so that I can “make the most of it”.
My husband often brings that energy… like when both kids are napping, we are like “ok nap time is coming when they’ll both be asleep… How do we want to spend nap time?”
And while I think that’s great and I appreciate that quality in him, I often need some non-productive time (every day!). You probably do too!
So while it might feel wasteful to just sit there and look at Instagram, I say give yourself a break. That time recharging actually IS productive. We need that. It’s just productive in a different way, so just know that it will help you show up stronger as a mom, a wife, and a business owner.
Read more: Juggling too much? 4 Keys to Maintaining Your Sanity as a Mom and Business Owner with Ashley Freehan
4. Even on the days you think you got “nothing accomplished”, you’re doing WAY MORE than you realize.
If it helps, and you’re feeling especially discouraged one day, keep a rolling list on your phone of the things you’ve gotten done. This is something I’ve done and it can really help put things in perspective.
Like I said earlier, you have more on your plate now so when you watch yourself it can sometimes feel like the workday things didn’t get done quite like you hoped but you also had some amazing playtime with your toddler, you fed a baby all day, you unloaded the dishwasher, you did laundry, you did something for YOURSELF that you enjoyed like watching a show, you listened to this podcast episode, you went on a walk, etc. You did more than you realize.
I truly am just so impressed with mothers — yourself as a listener/reader included! Because we do juggle so much, you’re amazing and you’re doing more than you realize.
5. Children are the most important work
I love the CS Lewis quote, “Children are not a distraction from important work. They are the most important work.” I think that’s a good quote to close on, don’t you?
Just remember, don't expect yourself to be as productive as you were when your business was your only baby as I first said. And know that if you let that to-do list get shorter (and let the goals list get a little more spread out over the whole year instead of expecting a billion things to get done in a quarter), then that's good. That's you respecting the season of life you’re in and respecting yourself and your business.
I promise you, that when you have that approach to stop hustling so hard and expecting so much of yourself, you will feel more fulfilled in your business and in your motherhood.
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